Motherhood: One Year In

Last year today, after 30 hours of soft labor and 35 minutes of hard labor, our baby girl Harlee was born and just like that I became a Mama.  I still remember every. single. detail about the night I went into labor, the whole day that I was in labor, and then the minutes leading up to when she was born. I never shared Harlee’s birth story, but it includes binge watching Game of Thrones from bed, conference calling clients to tell them I was in labor, and Alan enjoying breakfast in the beautiful garden right when I was ready to start pushing.

I felt like the days in the hospital were pretty cushy. We had family and friends visiting (which I loved), we bonded with Harlee, and the nurses made sure I was fed and that I got some rest.

The first month was a battlefield. Alan and I knew it wouldn’t be forever and we kept reminding ourselves that we could do it as a team. I went back to work after a week and I loved catching up with my clients while Harlee napped. By the second month, Harlee was sleeping longer stretches and by three months she was sleeping through the night.  I finally got into a routine of balancing work, Harlee, and personal errands by six months but it wasn’t all easy. You all remember those pathetic snapchat moments! Mama cried it out regularly and I would think to myself, “Will I ever feel human again?”

Harlee is a sweet baby with such a happy disposition. She seriously makes parenting easy in the sense that she naps on a schedule, sleeps all night, loves food, enjoys the outdoors, and is just a happy baby.

The hard part for me has been the balancing act of being a mom, a business owner, a friend, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a volunteer, the list goes on! For some women, being a boss babe is enough. For others, being a mom is enough. For me, I want it all and I want to be perfect and the best at it all. I know it’s not possible to be perfect at it all but it doesn’t stop me from trying. The thing I miss most is time.

Now that a year has passed, I still have days when I feel like a total B-O-S-S and the next day I find 3 day old food in my hair and I cry in the shower.  But, there is hope! Just last week I told Alan that I finally feel like I have a handle on everything. No, it’s not perfect but I know how to balance it all as best as I can, without any meltdowns in the shower. I have my work days planned out, date nights scheduled with Alan, my Harlee days filled with fun outings, and the weekends planned for family things. But time is still fleeting and I know I won’t ever have the days of oblivion back again.

When we celebrated Harlee’s first birthday last weekend, a few friends congratulated us. I thought about it for a moment and I said, “yes, this party is for us! Alan and I survived the first year of parenthood and we’ve raised a healthy baby! Pop the champagne!”

I’m hoping this post helped you relate to the ups and downs that make up parenthood, or more specifically motherhood. I’ve always been honest about my feelings during pregnancy and with motherhood, so know this is a safe space to vent, laugh, cry, and cheer!

Photos by Sadaf Murad